Tiny Love Stories: ‘Why Aren’t You Married?’
If you’re not already married, what’s keeping you from doing it now?
There’s an in-between place with no rules, no boundaries, and no worries about the future that doesn’t hurt a single soul, right? Maybe this place is what you’re looking for, is it not?
“I’m not ready to settle down,” says Deneé “Dee” Miller. She’s a 35-year-old teacher of creative writing at a large high school in New Jersey. She lives in a small town. She has no children. And she’s a virgin.
“I don’t think I’m ready for a commitment or anything. I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship.”
Of course, Miller is right that she doesn’t know if she’s ready for a relationship. But it’s a fair question. And it begs an important question: How can anyone’s relationship with another person be deemed “ready” when it’s still new, unsteady, raw, un-prepared?
Miller is hardly the only woman who’s never been married. There may be more than 5,200,000 women worldwide who are virgins. There are more, however, who have never been married. There are roughly one million women who had sex at least once when they were still single—according to a 2010 study on the topic by the Family Acceptance Project. Many are in their thirties like Miller. Like her, they’re in one of the most coveted marriage-to-be-prepared positions in the world: not yet legally married to someone.
According to the American Association of University Women in 2005, women “with the lowest education and most advanced careers” don’t have a lot of time and energy for dating. And while there’s no question that women who have the
